"The Dark Days and The Bright Nights: Part Zero" A short story by Katlynn Chrans

Part Zero;

By Katlynn Chrans

“The results came from the lab yesterday” the doctor said grimacing at the few sheets of paper that will define the entirety of my future.

   “And?” I asked nervously clenching my fingers together, I looked everywhere but the sorrow drowned eyes of the man in front of me.

   “Hazel, you have a grade five Glioblastoma tumour located on your brain stem.” He said slowly, pity dripping after every word.

            I watched a robin land on the edge of a tree branch, putting her faith in herself that it won’t simply break. The words Dr. Jones said barely audible over the buzzing of my thoughts.

   “The location, and the type will make it very difficult to remove by surgery, however we can start you on radiation therapy very so-“

   “No, I don’t want therapy, but thank you” I interrupted slipping my coat over my shoulders I hop off the examination table.

   “Hazel, there are options, this isn’t your only choice, and you’re young, your body is healthy and strong” Dr, Jones said, fruitlessly trying to change my mind, my infected mind. “Without treatment, you have, maybe four months” he added for effect.

   “According to those scans” I pointed towards the illuminated glass box, displaying the small round shadow deep within my head, the shadow which will cut my life short, “I’m not as healthy as you say” I said picking my backpack up I turned, just catching the wisps of a small sad smile playing on Dr, Jones lips.

            I ignored the receptionists smile as I headed through the first set of double doors, I glanced to my left, a display shelf held a plethora of brochures for various health clinics, or how to cope with life threatening illnesses. One caught my eye, a breathtaking scene of a beach bordering a lush green forest. ‘Indonesia’ read the title in bright yellow over the image.

            I sighed, thinking back on my life, I had never left the city limits of New York, and I had always been surrounded by the constant sound of traffic and smell of pizza. Took the same yellow cabs from place to place, got coffee in the same café, my life was just circles and circles.

            I checked my watch, 3:30pm; I needed to start heading home. Bounding down the nearest subway entrance I inspected the schedule and found the soonest time to East Brooklyn.

            An ache began at the base of my head, behind my ears, courtesy of my new friend. I wasn’t completely used to the screaming pain yet, despite it occurring multiple times a week for the past six months.

            I sat gingerly on a bench, concentrated on staying upright, controlling my breathing. The quick bullets of metal came and went, blowing my hair across my face as they left.

            Apart of me wished I had more time, that I was brave enough to go through treatment plans, to prolong my life and leave my mark on the world. To be the girl who fell into someone’s life and changed them, changed their thinking and outlook on life, and then disappeared without a trace, like I was never there. But I was too much of a coward and I knew it. I watched as my mother wasted away, pretending she was stronger than she was whenever I was around. The day she cried when they told her the treatment wasn’t working, as the hope seeped from her eyes, like a weight lifted off her shoulders. I wouldn’t give myself hope, because as beautiful of a feeling it is, I would ultimately lose against it. I didn’t want to live my last months alive in a hospital bed, feeling myself grow weaker, constantly sick due to therapy. I wanted to see the world with that little bit of time.

            I rose from my seat when I saw my subway approaching, I stepped inside desperately looking for an empty seat. I spotted one and slumped into it exhaling and silently proud of myself for not fainting.

            I remember the day my mom came home from the hospital, after she had finally refused anymore treatment, she couldn’t stand the chemical smell of the hospital. But I knew she had come home to die. She fainted the first day back trying to get herself a glass of water, 8-year-old me had to help her back to the couch, she stayed there for the next six days, until she died there.

            An old woman entered the section I was in, no one offered their seat, and knowing my condition I didn’t know whether I should, but I watched as she tried to hold the metal poles and I couldn’t stay put. I stood slowly and walked to the woman.

   “Hey, you can have my seat” I said smiling.

   “Oh thank you so much dear” she replied gratefully sitting.

            I gripped one of the overhanging leather loops, pushing my bag up my shoulder I focused on my breathing again; I just had to get through the next few weeks.

I opened the door to house ‘24’; Rose sat in the large plush armchair reading an old book, bottles of rosemary and turmeric beside her.

   “Hey” I said quietly sitting on the small kitchen stool across the room from her.

   “How much time?” she asked me, I could here the ball welling in her throat. She had gone through the experience with me during my mothers fight.

   “Four months” I replied, barely a whisper as it left my lips. For the first time since the headaches began I allowed myself to cry, wailing and screaming. Rose ran to my side holding me in her arms as I yelled at how unfair it was. ‘Why me?’ I asked myself. I had already dealt with the journey, I didn’t deserve this.

            Rose stroked my hair whispering that it would be okay. He arms were warm, her own tears streaming down her cheeks.

   “I have to find someone to fill my place” I said after the shaking had ceased.

   “You don’t need to worry about that” Rose replied, standing upright she frowned down at me.

I wiped the wetness from my cheeks feverishly.

   “I do, I can’t leave it for as long as she did” I said.

            My mother knew she was in her last few minutes when she called to me, she told me to sit with her and so I sat on the hard floor next to her head, she wasn’t strong enough to sit upright.

“Hazel I need you to listen to me very carefully, do you think you can do that?” she said to me slowly.

I nodded quickly grabbing her hand and squeezing it tight.

   “Mom has a very important job sweetie, and I need you to do it now okay?” she asked me, stray tears washing down her fragile cheeks. She squeezed my hand tighter back, a secret code we had made, a squeeze meant ‘I love you’ one back meant ‘I love you too’.

   “I don’t understand, you don’t work mom” I replied, my own single tear running down over my lips.

“It’s a very special job Hazel. You see, when the world began there was only day, and all of the land was hot and sandy, and all the people were constantly getting terrible sunburns. One day a girl came alone, she said she could bring a magical time called ‘Night’. The little girl stood atop a large rock, and slowly a bright white orb rose in the sky, and darkness shrouded all around the people. They rejoiced, and soon the soil became rich with minerals and the people began to grow crops.” She said smiling at the wonder that engrossed my face.

   “But what about the sun? The crops would need sunlight” I said confused.

   “That job belonged to the girl’s mother, every morning, very early she stood on the same rock and she rose the sun. The girls name was Lunar, and so they called the orb Moon. And every once in awhile, the Earth, the Sun and the Moon would align the moon would turn very red, a reflection from the Sun. The people called this a Lunar Eclipse, after the girl.” She continued, “Once the girl had grown old she had to give her abilities to another, so they could bring the moon every night. Generation after generation the ability has been passed on, to family, friends and strangers.” She finished. She began coughing violently then, Rose ran to her side holding a cloth to her mouth. When she pulled it away I saw the blood, despite Rose trying to hide it quickly, my mother gulped down some water and turned back to me.

“You see Hazel, this is my job, and now it’s going to be your job, I need you to do this okay? Rose will help you” she said, the effort slowly leaving her voice.

“But...But I don’t know how. How will I know who to give it to? Please don’t leave” I begged, tears streaming down my face like rivers.

“You will feel it Hazel, you will know” she cried, she gave my hand one more squeeze and then she was gone.

            I pushed off the stool and ran to the bathroom, this morning’s breakfast spilling out. I leaned to the side and laid my head against the wall and closed my eyes.

   “Hazel?” asked a small voice. Sophia and emerged from her room, blanket in tow.

   “Hey girlie, what’re you doing up?” I asked standing slowly.

   “I couldn’t sleep” she replied coming to hug me. “I’m sorry Hazel” she added.

            Sophia had been with us for a little over a year, she had knocked on the door one Sunday night with instructions from her grandmother as to whom she was. Neither I nor Rose knew who called the Sun in the early mornings; we just knew they were out there. Once Sophia came we knew it had been her grandmother, then her.

I took her in like she was my little sister; she was an orphan like me so I felt, on some level, what she was going through. The confusion.

            The day my Mother died, was confusing just as it was tragic. That was the first time I called the Moon, Rose told me what to do, how to focus and see what I needed to see.

   “Close your eyes see the sun filter through you. Control your breathing you need to be completely calm, think of the Moon, how bright it is, how cold and precise.” She had said, talking me through each and every feeling. When Sophia came I did the same thing for her.

            “You should try and sleep Soph, you’ll need all your energy remember, conserve and control” I said walking to her and kneeling down. “Don’t you worry about me, I have everything under control” I reassured her.

            I watched as she stumbled back into her bed, I closed the door and exhaled. Now I just needed to find whoever it was that fate decided was fit for the job.

One Month Passed

I had been everywhere in the city, multiple libraries, various stores, several restaurants and nothing. I never got the ‘feeling’ and I was beginning to think I never would, I was becoming worried, and running out of time.

I walked down a small street, the cold biting at my face. My on-the-go coffee was almost empty and I was ready to go home when I rounded a corner and suddenly I got a tingling feeling in my fingers, slowly it spread throughout my body. I looked up and spotted a boy jumping out of a taxi, a book in tow and an embarrassed smile on his lips. I watched the taxi drive away before heading in the direction of the café.

The sign read ‘Happy Bones Café’, I laughed, this is exactly the place I would hang around at. I spotted the boy sitting down in the corner of the room, reading the book and drinking a coffee. I opened the door, and headed for the counter.

   “I’ll have a coffee with milk and no sugar” I said quietly. I paid and turned to grab a disposable cover when we crashed right into each other…like fate had been there all along.

“Oh my goodness I am so sorry” I stuttered picking my thermos off the ground quickly.

“No hey it was my fault I wasn’t paying attention” he laughed dabbing his white collared shirt helplessly. “I’m Jason” he smiled and we both began to laugh.

            I took him up closely; he had a goofy smile and kind eyes. He seemed to genuinely feel it was his fault, a gentleman.

            “I don’t think that stain is going to wash out, I’m Hazel” I replied tapping my fingers on the side of my now empty thermos nervously.

   “Well the least I can do is buy you another…beverage, whatever you ordered” he offered, trying to lead me to the register.

“I, uh, I need to go, now” I stuttered.

I looked into his eyes, hoping he would follow, hoping fate wasn’t playing some trick. I smiled sadly before I turned away and briskly walked out the door. I crossed my fingers as hard as I physically could when I heard the jingling of bells behind me. I gave a silent prayer, tears threatening to escape. I had done it, my mother knew I could and I did.

“Hazel!” he called.

            I stopped and spun around on my heels to meet his eyes, they were gorgeous, like storms trapped, and like the moonlight...I smiled as if I knew he would come after me.

   “Yes?” I questioned to mask my obvious knowledge. I crossed my arms and awaited his response.

   “I, uh, well I hadn’t planned this far ahead” he joked reaching up and grasping his neck.

   “Want to come on an adventure with me?”  I said completely out of the blue. I hoped he would say yes, I hoped I had it right that he was the one. I needed him to be the one; I didn’t have much time left.

   “Yes” he replied

Some time later that very day

I watched as Jason fell asleep, his breathing soft, and his eyelashes long over his closed eyes. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and searched for the soonest plane ticket to Indonesia; there was one early the next morning. I bit my lip and glanced back over at Jason, he had rolled on his side facing me. I wrapped my arms around my bent legs and stared at the fluorescent screen, finally I clicked the ‘Book Flight’ button and set myself free.

            My mother had left me money, as well as her insurance payout, so it was no problem buying it, it was leaving Rose and Sophia.

I stole one last look as Jason before standing and shifting back down the hatch door. Before I closed it I whispered into the night,

   “Take care of him okay Lunar? “ I closed the hatch door and padded to my room. Grabbing my small suitcase I piled in my warm clothes, my camera, passport, and all the essentials. I glanced at my desk where a picture of Rose, Soph and I at Disneyland, taken eight months ago. I didn’t have the plague of pain then. I quickly stashed it on the top.

            I zipped up the case and set it on the floor quietly.

I stepped into Sophia’s room and sat next to her gentle body.

   “So little one, I guess this is it.” I said to her sleeping figure. “I just want you to know you are so strong and brave and never ever let anyone tell you different. You’re special and beautiful, you’re going to be such an amazing woman” I whispered. “I just need you to do one thing, remember how I taught you. I need you to do it for him okay? He needs the help just like we did” I finished tears springing to my eyes. I glanced at her and kissed her forehead gently before standing and closing her door softly.

            I walked into the living room, Rose stood at the counter changing the old water for new in a vase of flowers.

   “She’s going to miss you so much Hazel” she said still admiring the flowers.

   “I know” I replied sitting down on the top of my case. “I can’t stay here” I added in the silence. “I can’t let her go through what I did” I said.

   “I know” she repeated back. “I just want you to know she looks up to you so much, she really loves you” she continued. “Just be safe okay?” she told me setting the flowers on the stool I sat on earlier.

   “I’ll send postcards” I laughed.

   “Your mother would be so proud of you Hazel” she said a few rogue tears running down her face. “That boy, he’s going to do it” she added confidently.

I sat down in my allocated seat, not that it mattered there were barely any passengers on the flight. I gazed out the window as the sun began to rise; I smiled thinking of Sophia mentoring Jason.

I was watching as the stars began to dwindle away when I realized I had fallen into Jason’s life, and changed him, his thinking and outlook on life, and now I was disappearing like I was never there. Gone without a trace.

I wandered across the beach, sand sinking beneath my feet, breaths of fresh sea in my lungs. I sat on a rock and watched as the Sun began to set, the first stars twinkling above me.

   "I told you you could do it" my mother said sitting beside me.

   “I knew he could do it” I replied resting my head on her shoulder.

            She grasped my hand squeezing; I squeezed back and watched as the sky darkened.

I wondered if Jason knew I had passed, if he could feel me as I had felt him in my last days. If the Bright Nights were because he knew. I laid on my back, my questions falling into oblivion.