my wallflower life

A singular person is multiple things, it is psychologically impossible for us to be just, one, thing. Humans are complex, ever-changing and evolving. But what do I know?               I’m just some nobody who is constantly thinking about things that can never be. I know that there’s kate, me, there’s the kate that listens to music in the dark thinking about what she will do tomorrow and the next day and the next day…and the next, and kate who will always go back to listening to my favourite 80’s anthems, wishing she could have seen the people she adores so much.               Who’s to say we can only be one person? Confined to the physicality’s of the world. There’s the kate who will forever want to be an actress, or an astronaut and live in space, or or, the kate that wants to be really smart and reads Stephen hawking in hopes that one day she’ll be a theoretical physicist. The one who wishes she could write like Jane Austen and John Green and Sally Rooney. The one who wa

You can’t just expect people to fall at your beck and call James, she said. I know now she was right, deep down I think I knew then, but I guess I just chose to ignore that part of my brain, those thoughts that maybe I wasn’t who I thought I was and maybe I was, or am, a terrible person for it. I had always told myself I would move to California one day, and now being here, driving down the state route one highway, I feel like I have finally made it. Destined to be here, not stuck in some small town for the rest of my life. My torn copy of Jane Eyre sits beside me, the pages torn and dogeared, notes riddled between the lines, and my favourite passages circled. You know, I think we are really going to love it here Dude I say. From the crowded backseat Dude my gold lab pops his head between the front seats and pants. Smiling I reach over at scratch his head, I was laughing now, I remember almost perfectly. It was as if the stars had finally aligned for me, I glanced over at Dude

As I walk down the street, my breath a painting above the dark sky, my fingers itch with temptation. What will I do? Where will I go? I don’t know the answers to these questions. I know but two small things; what I want and what I need. But are these right? That I’m not sure of. Love Greed Home Death Passion… I know these things, and I know who I am. The basic person thrives for goodness, but is it truly achievable? We are all flawed, in one way or another.             I don’t know a person’s secrets, their passion. Their flaws. Do you?