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'James' written words by a wallflower


You can’t just expect people to fall at your beck and call James, she said. I know now she was right, deep down I think I knew then, but I guess I just chose to ignore that part of my brain, those thoughts that maybe I wasn’t who I thought I was and maybe I was, or am, a terrible person for it.

I had always told myself I would move to California one day, and now being here, driving down the state route one highway, I feel like I have finally made it. Destined to be here, not stuck in some small town for the rest of my life. My torn copy of Jane Eyre sits beside me, the pages torn and dogeared, notes riddled between the lines, and my favourite passages circled.
You know, I think we are really going to love it here Dude I say. From the crowded backseat Dude my gold lab pops his head between the front seats and pants. Smiling I reach over at scratch his head, I was laughing now, I remember almost perfectly. It was as if the stars had finally aligned for me, I glanced over at Dude his eyes peering out at the distance of road,
A happy moment
Feelings of joy
Ripped away
Glass shattering
Metal screeching on metal
Tire tracks
Black.

Incessant beep, beep, beep. It never ended. Ongoing thump, thump, thump. A pain in my head. Darkness, voices.
James, James are you awake?
I didn’t know, was I dead?
I Don’t think so
Grunting I lifted my hand to my eyes, a string of wires coming along. The bright lights piercing my new eyes. Close the blinds please, the first thing I said.
James its mom, how do you feel? Like I am walking on clouds mother, a skipped beat, I feel like shit.
No need to be rude, ill fetch the doctor. As she walked out of the door, I shifted my hand and looked at my surroundings. From my bed I could see the glass doors, ICU read the frosted glass. Beside me a chair is covered by a blanket, a pillow propped against the leg, mother had been sleeping here. A heartbeat monitor, the source of the beeping. The bottom left corner read the date, March 16th, I had been out for a week.
He just woke up, irritable as always so I guess his personality hasn’t changed. The voice of mother brought me back to reality. 

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